Worst Case Draft Scenarios
Another April stands awaiting us as the NFL free agency period winds down, hope springs eternal for every NFL franchise as we inch closer and closer to draft day. All 32 teams have hope and so much of their immediate and future success will depend on the kids that hear their name called on draft day. Unfortunately, every draft day also comes with disappointment. For every Peyton Manning there is a Ryan Leaf and for every LaDanian Tomlinson you get a Lawrence Phillips, a Ron Dayne, and a Rashaan Salaam. Point blank, it doesn’t always work out the way it’s drawn up. So as you devour mock drafts and articles discussing how every player is a perfect fit for a certain franchise, I decided to get creative. Here are my worst case scenarios for every NFL team entering the 2020 draft.
Philadelphia Eagles - You draft a stud WR who fell in your lap all the way down to pick 21. He tears his ACL and his Labia while walking to the stage and misses the entire 2020 season.
Dallas Cowboys - You finally draft that cornerstone player in the secondary you’ve talked about for 6 seasons. Unfortunately he also doesn’t intercept the ball and isn’t as good as Byron Jones.
New York Giants - You draft an Offensive Lineman to protect your stud QB MF Jones. Unfortunately he looks like Tarzan and plays like Jane and has you wondering why you gave up on Ereck Flowers.
Washington Redskins - You pass on Chase Young and trade away Dwayne Haskins. You snag Tua and watch his career go down in flames like he was RG3 reborn. Dwayne Haskins blossoms into a perennial all pro QB.
Green Bay Packers - Just like clockwork the Green Bay Packers select a random defensive player that pretty much goes on to be a mediocre talent. However they get a stud wide receiver in the last few rounds. It’s still not enough to get over Aaron Rodger’s clearly declining abilities.
Minnesota Vikings - You don’t miss on the stud offensive lineman. He goes on to have an All Pro laden career. Unfortunately, Dalvin Cook doesn’t stay healthy and it’s spent blocking for Alexander Mattison and his 3.6 YPC.
Detroit Lions - You’re the Lions. You give Matt Patricia an extension or something.
Chicago Bears - You draft one of the premier wide receivers of the draft for Mitch Trubisky to overthrow for the next 2 years. You give up on said WR and watch him blossom into a perennial top 5 guy. You resign Trubisky. You give up and become Lions fans.
San Francicso 49ers - You draft another fucking running back because the eleven you have aren’t enough. It won’t matter because the Defense will probably fall apart (ala Jacksonville 2017, Chicago 2018) and Jimmy G won’t get any better.
Seattle Seahawks - You go out and get another first round bust, because that’s what you do best. You go 12-4 and get bounced in the playoffs. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
Los Angeles Rams - Not having a pick isn’t your only loss on draft day. Brandin Cooks suffers an injury set back while eating oatmeal.
Arizona Cardinals- You draft another receiver. You really don’t need any more. Just stop. DHOP was enough.
New Orleans Saints - You trade this pick and 6 other picks to move up to draft a Division 2 Player out South Alabama School for the Blind. You lose on a controversial call to either the Packers or Vikings cause that’s what you do baby. Geaux Saints
Carolina Panthers - You moved all in on Teddy Bridgewater. You’re already boned.
Atlanta Falcons - Your head coach is Dan Quinn. I’m sorry.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers - You draft a defensive cornerstone and nail this pick. Your defense still ranks 31st in the league and you finish 6-10. Tommy Brady leaves you like a scorned ex lover.
New England Patriots - Whoever you draft fumbles once. Bill Belicheck mentally destroys them and their whole family. Don’t fumble his damn ball.
Buffalo Bills - You draft another mediocre offensive player to watch Josh Allen run around in the backfield and play arena league football.
New York Jets - Adam Gase drafts a player, completely demoralizes them, trades them for pennies on the dollar, then watches them become a juggernaut.
Miami Dolphins - Congrats on drafting the next Dan Marino. An all time great, who will never get you a Super Bowl.
Jacksonville Jaguars - Two first round picks from a team that has had a lot of recent draft success. Look for the Jags to nail these picks and then watch them demand trades or leave in free agency later.
Tennessee Titans - You draft an O lineman to further beef up your rushing attack. Then you realize Derrick Henry is only good for like 4 games at a time.
Houston Texans - You spent this pick on a dude who can totally rock a gas mask. Good job. Oh and you traded DeAndre Hopkins and didn’t get a first. And your coach is Bill O’Brien. Don’t forget the David Johnson contract. Really, you should abandon ship now. Fuck this team.
Indianapolis Colts - They should draft a QB. They seem to always get that right. They’ll draft a WR or defensive player instead. He’ll be great. Franchise will be stuck in 8-8 hell.
Denver Broncos - Elway drafts a QB for shits and giggles.
Kansas City Chiefs - KC lets Andy Reids 14 year old great nephew run the draft room. The gang celebrates at your local KFC buffet and you probably win the super bowl like three more times.
Los Angeles Chargers - You miss out on your future franchise signal caller and draft a WR to pair with Keena Aleen. Unfortunately Tyrod Taylor is the one throwing the ball.
Las Vegas Raiders - 2 picks in the first round. That didn’t work out too badly last year. Jon Gruden continues to build the raiders through the draft and they shock the world and win 8 games next year.
Baltimore Ravens - You draft another WR so that Lamar can further be unlocked. Unfortunately you realize someone had on the cheat code last year and Lamar is just aight. Harbaugh still gets in the playoffs.
Pittsburgh Steelers - You basically drafted Minakh FItzpatrick here. You sly bastard you.
Cleveland Browns - You draft an elite defensive lineman. Things look promising at first until Myles Garret gets pissed off and karate chops the mfer in half. His career is over but Garrett only gets 3 games.
Cincinnati Bengals - Don’t get cute. Draft Joe Burrow. Fuck….they got cute, didn’t they?
There you have it folks. Keep in mind I doubt 95% of this comes true, but it was quite the fun exercise. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please let me know what you thought in the comments below. I appreciate all of your continued support with this page. It’s been beautiful watching it grow. As always #StayTrue